69shadesofgray:

If my jokes offend you:

1. I’m sorry
2. It won’t happen again
3. 1 & 2 are lies 
4. You’re a pussy

(via mufffliato)

blein:

sO my friend’s dog died and she lives in new york city and so she had to take it to the vet by the subway and she put the dead dog in the suitcase on the subway and it was a pretty big dog and some dude saw that she was struggling with the suitcase so he asked if she needed help with it and he said do you mind me asking what’s in it and she didnt want to say a dead dog so shE SAID IT WAS A BUNCH OF LAPTOPS SO HE TOOK THE SUITCASE AND RAN AND I JUST 

(via poisoned-vogue)

always-a-pottertimelord:

whatsacanada:

who lives in a pineapple under the sea

I literally can’t with tumblr sometimes

(via flamingaymavin)